Silas is now 11.5 months old! He just had a lovely vacation in Vermont with Grandma Susie and Grandpa Dick, and GG (Grandma Susie's mother, my grandmother). Both he and we were totally spoiled, with made-to-order meals, no chores, endless attention and lots of relaxation. We actually all got another cold (sorry, Grandma and Grandpa...) but we were so well taken care of it hardly mattered. Silas slept really well this time, which is a very welcome change, and I think it was at least partly because I explained to him very carefully where he would sleep, that he was safe, and that his papa or I would come to him if he was afraid. He understands so much lately!
A couple of days ago he was playing with his toy truck in the living room, and I asked him (out of the blue) to go get his puffs (cereal snack), and he went straight into the kitchen, opened the correct drawer, pulled out his cup of puffs and handed it to me! I was very impressed. He's done quite a few other things like this, showing me how much he understands. He can go fetch specific books, by name, if asked. He claps, points, dances and does several other gestures if asked (without demonstration). He makes it very clear what he wants, through pointing, meaningful looks and lots of noise! His "words" are still totally unintelligible.
He often stands up in the middle of the room and takes 5-6 steps before crawling again. Lately he seems more and more purposeful about walking - just this morning he carefully walked to the coffee table, then to his push cart, and then to me, catching himself from falling several times. I think we'll see a changeover to full-time walking very soon. Just in time - it's really not much fun crawling outside any more. Too cold and soggy.
I think he's ready to learn a greater degree of responsibility, too. We've started giving him a paper towel and asking him to help us clean the floor. He gamely swishes the paper towel over the mess, which isn't actually helpful yet, but it will be soon I'm sure :) He can also put things back and throw things away, but it's actually quite complicated determining which things should be washed in the sink, thrown away, washed in the washing machine, etc. Silas has thrown away my keys and several important papers!
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
This is Silas's favorite way to nap - on me!
Silas playing in the playground one very cold morning when he was home sick (but not that sick, obviously - just too sick to go to daycare, per the rules)
Silas under the huge tree in Peabody Terrace lawn
Silas swinging with Papa
Silas playing in Corpral McTernan park
Busy with Silas, almost 11 months
Well, it's mid-November and Silas is at daycare while Brian and I are both home sick from work. The house is eerily quiet, and I feel almost as though I'm in a sad alternate reality where Silas was never born. Then I look out across the living room and see his little push cart, and the toys we've made him, and a tiny sweater laying on top of some tiny boots...
Let's start with the weekend and move backwards.
Silas got sick on Saturday night, his first proper illness. He seemed fine except that he was so snotty he couldn't breathe lying down, so I held him on the couch almost all night, until 6 AM, when Brian carried him in a carrier to get a bit more sleep. He was very good-natured about the whole thing, honestly. The next day he was energetic and happy almost all day, with an hour or two during which he only wanted to sit on my lap and read books (which was adorable and not at all a shame). Unfortunately, somewhere around mid-morning I started to feel sick, and Brian soon after. Unlike Silas, we didn't just have stuffy noses, but fever, chills, painful skin, achy joints, the works. I'd been dreading this parenting moment since before I was pregnant. I knew it was going to be miserable. It's terrible feeling really sick. It's worse not to have anybody to take care of you. It's worse than that to have to work anyway. And it's worst of all to have to take care of somebody else, nonstop. It wasn't a dire situation, just one of life's most unpleasant little tricks.
Silas got his cold from daycare. He started exactly a week ago. It was hard at first - very hard. He was extraordinarily clingy. Grandma Marsha volunteered to stay with him for a few days, and while she was in the room he wouldn't eat, play or even move unless she was at his side. If I was present, he ping-ponged between us, anxious to leave one at the expense of the other. He cried if either of us stood up or even moved. I thought he would never adjust. But when I thought about it a bit more, I remembered how happy he was to play at the daycare on the first two days, when he hadn't yet realized that it was a place he would be left. At that point it was still a fabulous room full of toys! After a few days, he clearly recognized the place and began to cry when we walked in the front door, but once the actual separation occurred, he cheered up in less than 5 minutes. I ended up deciding that it was too stressful for him to know that his people were going to leave, but not know when. Once we did finally leave him, he cried for just a couple minutes and then had a great day on his own, settling himself for naptime without help and taking a nice long nap. He seemed happy with the other kids, participated in the routines (sitting at a table and eating from a plate, etc.), and learned quite a bit too. After a few days around little Max and Danny, Silas came how having learned how to "dance" - he bops adorably and waves his arms and claps. He also points, uses a number of labels for items which we do not understand, and does so many fine motor tasks I'm losing count. Oh, and he draws! By which I mean he smacks pens or crayons on paper.
Silas started daycare because our childcare arrangement with the grandparents ended. I feel so fortunate that Silas was cared for one-on-one until now (not just one-on-one, but grandparents!), and also that I was able to be there very often, if I didn't have to do hands-on work in the lab. Although I still wish I'd had a year-long maternity leave like they have in civilized countries, I don't feel as though I missed Silas's infancy. I think one-on-one care was unquestionably the best thing for him during his early infancy, especially having seen how frustrating daycare can be for non-mobile babies who can't meet any of their own needs. Now, while I would love to be with him all day long, I think he's showing signs of being ready for this type of arrangement. Or at least, ready enough that it won't be detrimental. He's interacting more and more with other children, he learns from watching them, and I think he really loves having daily activities, space to move around indoors, and lots of fascinating toys. He really seems like a toddler now! It's been terribly hard to relinquish him to daycare, but I have to admit that he seems to enjoy it. Today when we picked him up, he actually reached out for his teacher Miss Keana as we were leaving! Now that's a good sign.
Smoothing the transition has been Monkey, his lovey. We knew he was bonded to Monkey, but we didn't quite know how much - in our absence, he takes Monkey EVERYWHERE - he eats lunch with Monkey next to his plate, he sleeps with Monkey, he plays with Monkey in his lap on the floor. (He actually did finger painting with Monkey too - Monkey came home coated in red paint and needed a bath!) Monkey is his constant companion, and I'm so glad that he has a familiar source of comfort when we are away.
The last few months have been very difficult for us. Brian is working extraordinary hours, to what seems like no avail - his workload is so huge and overwhelming that we never feel even close to on top of it. Weekends are stressful and filled with work, evenings (even weekend evenings) are... also full of work. It's inescapable. My energy has been directed towards finishing writing a manuscript (it's done! I'm hoping one day I can be proud to say I completed the experiments, analysis and writing during Silas's first year), taking care of Silas when Brian isn't home, keeping the house from chaos (Brian is involved too, of course, but isn't home as much), managing Silas's care/lunch/outfits/supplies, and just generally trying to keep our family afloat. We are hoping for easier times ahead.
Tomorrow is Veteran's Day, so we will have another day off, fortunately. After next week, we will have Thanksgiving vacation in Vermont, and then after a whirlwind few weeks involving a lot of professional obligations for me (giving seminars and meeting with my committee, that sort of thing), we will have Silas's first birthday, Christmas vacation in Ithaca (but not on the actual day, when I will have to be here feeding the fish!) and - hopefully - some space to breathe.
For now, Brian and I are running low fevers again and we're complaining of achy legs and looking at piles of unwashed dishes and wondering how we're going to amuse Silas this evening. First we'll get healthy, then we'll visit family, and then maybe the second half of the year will be a little bit less frantic. Let's hope that amid this extraordinarily busy time we don't lose the ability to stop and enjoy Silas in all his baby/toddlery ways. He's so much fun to watch! He now knows what fridge magnets are, and if he finds one he'll take it over to the fridge and stick it on. He pushes the cat in the cart. He brings us books to read and demands them to be read multiple times. Such fun to be had, if we can manage to take a breath.
Let's start with the weekend and move backwards.
Silas got sick on Saturday night, his first proper illness. He seemed fine except that he was so snotty he couldn't breathe lying down, so I held him on the couch almost all night, until 6 AM, when Brian carried him in a carrier to get a bit more sleep. He was very good-natured about the whole thing, honestly. The next day he was energetic and happy almost all day, with an hour or two during which he only wanted to sit on my lap and read books (which was adorable and not at all a shame). Unfortunately, somewhere around mid-morning I started to feel sick, and Brian soon after. Unlike Silas, we didn't just have stuffy noses, but fever, chills, painful skin, achy joints, the works. I'd been dreading this parenting moment since before I was pregnant. I knew it was going to be miserable. It's terrible feeling really sick. It's worse not to have anybody to take care of you. It's worse than that to have to work anyway. And it's worst of all to have to take care of somebody else, nonstop. It wasn't a dire situation, just one of life's most unpleasant little tricks.
Silas got his cold from daycare. He started exactly a week ago. It was hard at first - very hard. He was extraordinarily clingy. Grandma Marsha volunteered to stay with him for a few days, and while she was in the room he wouldn't eat, play or even move unless she was at his side. If I was present, he ping-ponged between us, anxious to leave one at the expense of the other. He cried if either of us stood up or even moved. I thought he would never adjust. But when I thought about it a bit more, I remembered how happy he was to play at the daycare on the first two days, when he hadn't yet realized that it was a place he would be left. At that point it was still a fabulous room full of toys! After a few days, he clearly recognized the place and began to cry when we walked in the front door, but once the actual separation occurred, he cheered up in less than 5 minutes. I ended up deciding that it was too stressful for him to know that his people were going to leave, but not know when. Once we did finally leave him, he cried for just a couple minutes and then had a great day on his own, settling himself for naptime without help and taking a nice long nap. He seemed happy with the other kids, participated in the routines (sitting at a table and eating from a plate, etc.), and learned quite a bit too. After a few days around little Max and Danny, Silas came how having learned how to "dance" - he bops adorably and waves his arms and claps. He also points, uses a number of labels for items which we do not understand, and does so many fine motor tasks I'm losing count. Oh, and he draws! By which I mean he smacks pens or crayons on paper.
Silas started daycare because our childcare arrangement with the grandparents ended. I feel so fortunate that Silas was cared for one-on-one until now (not just one-on-one, but grandparents!), and also that I was able to be there very often, if I didn't have to do hands-on work in the lab. Although I still wish I'd had a year-long maternity leave like they have in civilized countries, I don't feel as though I missed Silas's infancy. I think one-on-one care was unquestionably the best thing for him during his early infancy, especially having seen how frustrating daycare can be for non-mobile babies who can't meet any of their own needs. Now, while I would love to be with him all day long, I think he's showing signs of being ready for this type of arrangement. Or at least, ready enough that it won't be detrimental. He's interacting more and more with other children, he learns from watching them, and I think he really loves having daily activities, space to move around indoors, and lots of fascinating toys. He really seems like a toddler now! It's been terribly hard to relinquish him to daycare, but I have to admit that he seems to enjoy it. Today when we picked him up, he actually reached out for his teacher Miss Keana as we were leaving! Now that's a good sign.
Smoothing the transition has been Monkey, his lovey. We knew he was bonded to Monkey, but we didn't quite know how much - in our absence, he takes Monkey EVERYWHERE - he eats lunch with Monkey next to his plate, he sleeps with Monkey, he plays with Monkey in his lap on the floor. (He actually did finger painting with Monkey too - Monkey came home coated in red paint and needed a bath!) Monkey is his constant companion, and I'm so glad that he has a familiar source of comfort when we are away.
The last few months have been very difficult for us. Brian is working extraordinary hours, to what seems like no avail - his workload is so huge and overwhelming that we never feel even close to on top of it. Weekends are stressful and filled with work, evenings (even weekend evenings) are... also full of work. It's inescapable. My energy has been directed towards finishing writing a manuscript (it's done! I'm hoping one day I can be proud to say I completed the experiments, analysis and writing during Silas's first year), taking care of Silas when Brian isn't home, keeping the house from chaos (Brian is involved too, of course, but isn't home as much), managing Silas's care/lunch/outfits/supplies, and just generally trying to keep our family afloat. We are hoping for easier times ahead.
Tomorrow is Veteran's Day, so we will have another day off, fortunately. After next week, we will have Thanksgiving vacation in Vermont, and then after a whirlwind few weeks involving a lot of professional obligations for me (giving seminars and meeting with my committee, that sort of thing), we will have Silas's first birthday, Christmas vacation in Ithaca (but not on the actual day, when I will have to be here feeding the fish!) and - hopefully - some space to breathe.
For now, Brian and I are running low fevers again and we're complaining of achy legs and looking at piles of unwashed dishes and wondering how we're going to amuse Silas this evening. First we'll get healthy, then we'll visit family, and then maybe the second half of the year will be a little bit less frantic. Let's hope that amid this extraordinarily busy time we don't lose the ability to stop and enjoy Silas in all his baby/toddlery ways. He's so much fun to watch! He now knows what fridge magnets are, and if he finds one he'll take it over to the fridge and stick it on. He pushes the cat in the cart. He brings us books to read and demands them to be read multiple times. Such fun to be had, if we can manage to take a breath.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Travelin' Bean
Last weekend we flew from Boston to Charlottesville (layover in NYC on the way down at DC on the way up) to go to Brian's cousin's wedding. We left early Friday morning and left Virginia on Sunday evening, arriving home just after midnight. I had a lot of concerns - would Silas have a meltdown on the plane? Would he sleep in the hotel? Would our trip undo all of our progress with sleep? Would we be able to attend the wedding or would one of us be bouncing Silas out the back door the whole time?
Well, he was the best 9-month-old travel companion you can imagine. I spent quite some time selecting some brand new toys for the airplane (a toy truck, a soft doll, and a little book of flash cards), and also putting together a little container full of interesting objects (a rubber pacifier, a string of acorns I made, a home-made pouch of cloves to smell, a tiny jar of water, some ribbons, and some crinkly tin foil). On the plane, Silas played with his new toys and spent a good long time putting objects into containers and taking them out again. We played little games with him, hiding a small cloth mouse and letting him find it (we left the tail sticking out), playing peekaboo, and so on. He didn't cry even once, and he actually had a terrific time. We had brought baggies of earplugs, gum and candy with us in case he made life very difficult for our neighbors, but we didn't need to use them (except once, when we had to ask somebody to switch seats). He did bang on a tray table (not the seat back) and cause the gentleman in front of us to scoot to the next seat, which was empty. Incidentally, I wonder if the man thought that we were negligent parents for failing to stop our child from making noise. It could have looked that way. Of course, it was more like, we could gently redirect him away from the tray table without having him scream (resulting in a few minutes of banging), or we could make him stop immediately and deal with the little tantrum. I'm guessing that wouldn't have been preferable...
At the hotel, Silas crawled around and explored all the stuff in the room - the safe, the underside of the sink, the bed, and so on. At the wedding, he napped in his carrier for half the time and then sat quietly (mostly! made a few cute noises) on our laps while we made funny faces for the rest. At the reception, he crawled around on a chilly VA hillside and investigated stumps and sticks. When he got cold Brian carried him in the carrier. Silas also came to several restaurants, took some naps in his carseat, came on two hikes (slept through them, in his carrier), and was generally a good sport about everything. He slept less well at the hotel than at home, which we expected, but it wasn't terrible by any means, and he didn't cry AT ALL despite coming down with what must be his first cold while we were there. He had a snotty nose, which made it hard to breathe, although it didn't seem to upset him in the least and he never acted ill.
On the trip back, he slept in my arms on the plane, continued sleeping in the carrier as Brian held him, slept in my arms again on the second plane, and finally woke up a little bit for the car ride home, although he was dazed and sleepy. We ran through a version of his routine at home and he went to sleep. He even slept in until 7:30 the next morning to make up for the disruption. What a trooper!! I was so proud of him. And also so thankful that it was no trouble to nurse him on the plane. I wore my most conservative nursing shirt and brought a muslin blanket, but I always sat in the window seat and I don't think anybody even noticed. Without nursing, I think it is doubtful that Silas would have slept at all without being marched up and down the aisle constantly. Ever time he stirred (turbulence, loud beeping) he just nursed for a few seconds and kept on sleeping. It was so peaceful! And uncomplicated.
He did have a meltdown on Friday afternoon after he'd been awake 10 hours with just 2 20-minute naps, both of which had started at very inconvenient times. I felt terrible for him, but he recovered and had a very nice evening anyway. Other than that, he had a blast! He loved the hotel room, he loved the drainage ditch outside the hotel room, he loved spending extra time with Grandma Marsha and Grandpa Fred, and just generally seeing the Virginia countryside.
We did a LOT of planning ahead to ensure that Silas's needs could be properly met. We had a travel high chair so he could participate in mealtimes without too much frustration, we had brought his favorite foods, we made sure to keep track of when he needed to sleep, and we tried to replicate as much of his daily and bedtime routines as possible to keep him from feeling lost or overwhelmed. And his lovey helped a lot. I think it went very well, and although it was exhausting (because of timing, he didn't nap on any kind of bed until Sunday, so we didn't get even a single minute of downtime until them), it was a confidence-builder.
Well, he was the best 9-month-old travel companion you can imagine. I spent quite some time selecting some brand new toys for the airplane (a toy truck, a soft doll, and a little book of flash cards), and also putting together a little container full of interesting objects (a rubber pacifier, a string of acorns I made, a home-made pouch of cloves to smell, a tiny jar of water, some ribbons, and some crinkly tin foil). On the plane, Silas played with his new toys and spent a good long time putting objects into containers and taking them out again. We played little games with him, hiding a small cloth mouse and letting him find it (we left the tail sticking out), playing peekaboo, and so on. He didn't cry even once, and he actually had a terrific time. We had brought baggies of earplugs, gum and candy with us in case he made life very difficult for our neighbors, but we didn't need to use them (except once, when we had to ask somebody to switch seats). He did bang on a tray table (not the seat back) and cause the gentleman in front of us to scoot to the next seat, which was empty. Incidentally, I wonder if the man thought that we were negligent parents for failing to stop our child from making noise. It could have looked that way. Of course, it was more like, we could gently redirect him away from the tray table without having him scream (resulting in a few minutes of banging), or we could make him stop immediately and deal with the little tantrum. I'm guessing that wouldn't have been preferable...
At the hotel, Silas crawled around and explored all the stuff in the room - the safe, the underside of the sink, the bed, and so on. At the wedding, he napped in his carrier for half the time and then sat quietly (mostly! made a few cute noises) on our laps while we made funny faces for the rest. At the reception, he crawled around on a chilly VA hillside and investigated stumps and sticks. When he got cold Brian carried him in the carrier. Silas also came to several restaurants, took some naps in his carseat, came on two hikes (slept through them, in his carrier), and was generally a good sport about everything. He slept less well at the hotel than at home, which we expected, but it wasn't terrible by any means, and he didn't cry AT ALL despite coming down with what must be his first cold while we were there. He had a snotty nose, which made it hard to breathe, although it didn't seem to upset him in the least and he never acted ill.
On the trip back, he slept in my arms on the plane, continued sleeping in the carrier as Brian held him, slept in my arms again on the second plane, and finally woke up a little bit for the car ride home, although he was dazed and sleepy. We ran through a version of his routine at home and he went to sleep. He even slept in until 7:30 the next morning to make up for the disruption. What a trooper!! I was so proud of him. And also so thankful that it was no trouble to nurse him on the plane. I wore my most conservative nursing shirt and brought a muslin blanket, but I always sat in the window seat and I don't think anybody even noticed. Without nursing, I think it is doubtful that Silas would have slept at all without being marched up and down the aisle constantly. Ever time he stirred (turbulence, loud beeping) he just nursed for a few seconds and kept on sleeping. It was so peaceful! And uncomplicated.
He did have a meltdown on Friday afternoon after he'd been awake 10 hours with just 2 20-minute naps, both of which had started at very inconvenient times. I felt terrible for him, but he recovered and had a very nice evening anyway. Other than that, he had a blast! He loved the hotel room, he loved the drainage ditch outside the hotel room, he loved spending extra time with Grandma Marsha and Grandpa Fred, and just generally seeing the Virginia countryside.
We did a LOT of planning ahead to ensure that Silas's needs could be properly met. We had a travel high chair so he could participate in mealtimes without too much frustration, we had brought his favorite foods, we made sure to keep track of when he needed to sleep, and we tried to replicate as much of his daily and bedtime routines as possible to keep him from feeling lost or overwhelmed. And his lovey helped a lot. I think it went very well, and although it was exhausting (because of timing, he didn't nap on any kind of bed until Sunday, so we didn't get even a single minute of downtime until them), it was a confidence-builder.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Silas, 9.5 months
I'll have to post pictures later.
As I wrote in my last update, it's getting very hard to keep up with Silas in writing these days. He learns so fast these days, and does so much, that I'm running into the old blogging trap of having so much to say that I never get around to it. So I'll try to sum up.
He's finally reached what seems like a magical age where it is possible to demonstrate to him how to do things. Instead of discovering everything by accident, on his own, I can show him how to make a funny sound with an air vent, or how to open a drawer with a knob, or how to put a stick through a hole, and he can mimic me immediately, rather than trying hundreds of times. This has led to an exponential increase in the number of small, discrete skills that he has. It's been great fun to watch, and every day I get to delight him by showing him how to do a few new little things. This morning I showed him how to scrape an old envelope along the edge of the HVAC intake to make a funny noise. He got the giggles and tried it for 5 minutes.
He is still fascinated by putting things into containers, taking them out, stacking blocks, knocking blocks over, and so on. Anything to do with prepositional phrases, really. And the coolest part is that he now understands the phrases, too! You can ask him to take something out or put something in, and he does it immediately with a huge grin on his face, clearly thrilled to be communicating. He is enthralled by nesting/stacking cups, crawling through tunnels, climbing things, finding partially hidden objects (e.g., a small fabric mouse that we hide for him with the tail sticking out), pushing his little cart, and so many other little activities I'm losing count. He initiates games of hide and seek many times a day, scampering around the edges of things and crouching quietly only to pop out and giggle a few seconds later. He suffers from common baby confusion: once he has hidden, he thinks that he is still hidden until he turns his head around to look at me. This results in many adorable "reveals" when I was in fact sitting next to him already. So cute.
His receptive language is clearly expanding every day. He definitely understands "turn the page", "go down backwards" (he turns around and backs off of the couch, thanks Grandma Marsha!!), "let's go outside", "are you all done?" and a variety of other phrases. He can find his favorite toys if asked, and he has quite a few object labels - cat, book, truck, water, etc. In terms of productive language, both grandmothers are convinced that he has said a few words - truck and cat. I heard him say "book" and "button" but was disinclined to believe it, and I haven't heard it again, so I'm not sure. Since those are all words he definitely understands, it's plausible!
The reason I'm hesitant to believe it comes from my very restrained and measured attitude towards viewing Silas as exceptional. One of my worst fears as a parent is slowly becoming unable to appreciate Silas for just being himself, and demanding that he be exceptional in some way. I don't want to pressure him to be better than average, or somehow a star. I don't want to build up a culture of exceptionalism around him in our family, so that he doesn't know how to be content unless he is achieving, winning or excelling. Right now he is blissfully free of self-criticism, and while self awareness will come with age and bring with it a certain degree of introspectiveness that he will need, I am not eager for the day when he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'm not good enough the way I am". So, I have resolved not to encourage such views, even inadvertently.
It has been a challenge, therefore, to be real about Silas's temperament and accomplishments. He *has* been early with all of his motor milestones. I suspect this is related to his absolutely bottomless desire to move and explore, and I want to honor the part of his personality that is driving his exploration, rather than his particular achievements. But he DID roll, sit, stand and crawl early. It was obvious. When it comes to language and cognitive development, I think I may be going a bit overboard on my carefully nonchalant attitude, and I may actually be underestimating his abilities a bit. The grandmothers pointed out to me just how much he understands, and I realized I'd been overlooking it! That's not good, either. (Just to complicate things further, the official milestones are always in the back of my mind, so I can even worry Silas isn't learning fast ENOUGH. Go figure.)
As for motor skills, Silas now stands independently at times, and finds his little cart and pulls up and walks without intervention. He can walk while holding on with just one hand and cruises very fast. He handles small pieces of food quite well, and gets almost everything into his mouth, unless he's trying to throw things on the floor... He is increasingly able to manipulate objects in his peripheral vision. He still doesn't clap, but once last week, when I was trying to show him how to do it by holding his hands, instead of clapping, he held MY hands and made THEM clap, so I feel pretty sure he could be doing it if he wanted to.
He still doesn't point at distant objects, and we're not sure if he really gets it entirely when we do, but he definitely understands "Look!" and follows our gaze very expertly.
As for eating, Silas still loves nursing and nurses probably 8 times in a 24 hour period. He also eats a LOT of food! He seems to prefer food with a lot of flavor (me too!) and has recently downed an entire mini burrito (with cilantro rice and fresh salsa), pakoras with sweet chutney, vegetarian "chicken" and waffles, panang curry, vegetable biriyani, cherry smoothies, and an enormous assortment of fruit and grain products. Turns out he loves oatmeal, so breakfast is no sweat. He has eaten virtually everything we have served him, except eggs, potatoes and green beans. I think eggs and potatoes taste pretty bad without salt, and green beans? Who knows.
Beyond his skills, Silas's personality just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. He just seems so happy! It's infectious. He's bubbly and playful and affectionate and keen on exploring everything. He goes with the flow so well. Sometimes he seems so unbelievably sweet I can hardly believe he's a real little boy, MY little boy, sitting in my living room giving me kisses and handing me slimy chewed up toys as gifts. I'm so excited about the next few months - as his language skills come on line, there's so much we can tell him and show him, and so many delightful experiences to have.
As I wrote in my last update, it's getting very hard to keep up with Silas in writing these days. He learns so fast these days, and does so much, that I'm running into the old blogging trap of having so much to say that I never get around to it. So I'll try to sum up.
He's finally reached what seems like a magical age where it is possible to demonstrate to him how to do things. Instead of discovering everything by accident, on his own, I can show him how to make a funny sound with an air vent, or how to open a drawer with a knob, or how to put a stick through a hole, and he can mimic me immediately, rather than trying hundreds of times. This has led to an exponential increase in the number of small, discrete skills that he has. It's been great fun to watch, and every day I get to delight him by showing him how to do a few new little things. This morning I showed him how to scrape an old envelope along the edge of the HVAC intake to make a funny noise. He got the giggles and tried it for 5 minutes.
He is still fascinated by putting things into containers, taking them out, stacking blocks, knocking blocks over, and so on. Anything to do with prepositional phrases, really. And the coolest part is that he now understands the phrases, too! You can ask him to take something out or put something in, and he does it immediately with a huge grin on his face, clearly thrilled to be communicating. He is enthralled by nesting/stacking cups, crawling through tunnels, climbing things, finding partially hidden objects (e.g., a small fabric mouse that we hide for him with the tail sticking out), pushing his little cart, and so many other little activities I'm losing count. He initiates games of hide and seek many times a day, scampering around the edges of things and crouching quietly only to pop out and giggle a few seconds later. He suffers from common baby confusion: once he has hidden, he thinks that he is still hidden until he turns his head around to look at me. This results in many adorable "reveals" when I was in fact sitting next to him already. So cute.
His receptive language is clearly expanding every day. He definitely understands "turn the page", "go down backwards" (he turns around and backs off of the couch, thanks Grandma Marsha!!), "let's go outside", "are you all done?" and a variety of other phrases. He can find his favorite toys if asked, and he has quite a few object labels - cat, book, truck, water, etc. In terms of productive language, both grandmothers are convinced that he has said a few words - truck and cat. I heard him say "book" and "button" but was disinclined to believe it, and I haven't heard it again, so I'm not sure. Since those are all words he definitely understands, it's plausible!
The reason I'm hesitant to believe it comes from my very restrained and measured attitude towards viewing Silas as exceptional. One of my worst fears as a parent is slowly becoming unable to appreciate Silas for just being himself, and demanding that he be exceptional in some way. I don't want to pressure him to be better than average, or somehow a star. I don't want to build up a culture of exceptionalism around him in our family, so that he doesn't know how to be content unless he is achieving, winning or excelling. Right now he is blissfully free of self-criticism, and while self awareness will come with age and bring with it a certain degree of introspectiveness that he will need, I am not eager for the day when he thinks to himself, "Maybe I'm not good enough the way I am". So, I have resolved not to encourage such views, even inadvertently.
It has been a challenge, therefore, to be real about Silas's temperament and accomplishments. He *has* been early with all of his motor milestones. I suspect this is related to his absolutely bottomless desire to move and explore, and I want to honor the part of his personality that is driving his exploration, rather than his particular achievements. But he DID roll, sit, stand and crawl early. It was obvious. When it comes to language and cognitive development, I think I may be going a bit overboard on my carefully nonchalant attitude, and I may actually be underestimating his abilities a bit. The grandmothers pointed out to me just how much he understands, and I realized I'd been overlooking it! That's not good, either. (Just to complicate things further, the official milestones are always in the back of my mind, so I can even worry Silas isn't learning fast ENOUGH. Go figure.)
As for motor skills, Silas now stands independently at times, and finds his little cart and pulls up and walks without intervention. He can walk while holding on with just one hand and cruises very fast. He handles small pieces of food quite well, and gets almost everything into his mouth, unless he's trying to throw things on the floor... He is increasingly able to manipulate objects in his peripheral vision. He still doesn't clap, but once last week, when I was trying to show him how to do it by holding his hands, instead of clapping, he held MY hands and made THEM clap, so I feel pretty sure he could be doing it if he wanted to.
He still doesn't point at distant objects, and we're not sure if he really gets it entirely when we do, but he definitely understands "Look!" and follows our gaze very expertly.
As for eating, Silas still loves nursing and nurses probably 8 times in a 24 hour period. He also eats a LOT of food! He seems to prefer food with a lot of flavor (me too!) and has recently downed an entire mini burrito (with cilantro rice and fresh salsa), pakoras with sweet chutney, vegetarian "chicken" and waffles, panang curry, vegetable biriyani, cherry smoothies, and an enormous assortment of fruit and grain products. Turns out he loves oatmeal, so breakfast is no sweat. He has eaten virtually everything we have served him, except eggs, potatoes and green beans. I think eggs and potatoes taste pretty bad without salt, and green beans? Who knows.
Beyond his skills, Silas's personality just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter. He just seems so happy! It's infectious. He's bubbly and playful and affectionate and keen on exploring everything. He goes with the flow so well. Sometimes he seems so unbelievably sweet I can hardly believe he's a real little boy, MY little boy, sitting in my living room giving me kisses and handing me slimy chewed up toys as gifts. I'm so excited about the next few months - as his language skills come on line, there's so much we can tell him and show him, and so many delightful experiences to have.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Undercurrent
When Silas was born, and I was in a haze of pain and sleep deprivation and confusion and tears, I worried a lot that I wasn't bonding with him in the right way. I worried I wasn't feeling the right things. I was obsessively concerned about his safety and wellbeing, in a way which I have come to realize is a pretty unavoidable part of the postpartum period, especially with a first child. Mother Nature's way, I guess, of protecting her newborns. Of course as I healed up and became stronger, many of those worries went away, especially as Silas emerged as a hale and healthy little fellow. But some concern lingered. I allow Silas to taste wood chips and crawl up stairs, and it doesn't make me all that anxious really. Some of our friends seem much more heart-in-the-throat, watching their babies with nervous attention that makes me wonder whether I'm somehow unusually lax. I haven't weighed Silas in months and I don't worry about whether he's eating enough as long as he's happy. He goes barefoot even when it's 62 degrees outside, and as long as he's enjoying himself, I'm not worrying that he's cold. (After all he's Brian's son!) Yesterday the other parents had their babies dressed in several layers and Silas was still in a onesie, crawling around in cold grass, happy as a clam. I was a little embarrassed.
But a few days ago we had a scare. Grandma Marsha was caring for Silas and due to some really monumental incompetence by the contractors working on our building (that's a whole 'nother story), they exited a door and some heavy metal pipes came down from the roof and barely missed them. On receiving the panicked phone call, I stayed calm. I got home quickly, gave Silas a hug and tried to keep him giggling through lunch in case he'd been stressed or scared (he didn't seem to be). I emailed the proper folks and made some phone calls and tried to be both very firm and very rational. I felt calm. I asked myself what else I could do to keep everybody else calm and prevent any danger in the future. Everything was all set.
This is how I try to be in emergencies. In the past, I've dealt with life-or-death situations (attempted suicides, big fights, accidents) and I have always been calm. I have always found that when the stakes are high I become very, very focused and very, very level. This is useful, but I had begun to wonder whether it wasn't also a symptom of some kind of detachment.
Later that afternoon, though, I tried to sit down and get work done and I realized my heart was pounding and my heart rate was something close to 120. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I couldn't focus. Thoughts of Silas getting hit with a pipe kept showing up at the edge of my mind. It lasted all the way through until the next afternoon.
As some teachers have repeatedly told me, sometimes it takes the body to explain to you how you really feel.
But a few days ago we had a scare. Grandma Marsha was caring for Silas and due to some really monumental incompetence by the contractors working on our building (that's a whole 'nother story), they exited a door and some heavy metal pipes came down from the roof and barely missed them. On receiving the panicked phone call, I stayed calm. I got home quickly, gave Silas a hug and tried to keep him giggling through lunch in case he'd been stressed or scared (he didn't seem to be). I emailed the proper folks and made some phone calls and tried to be both very firm and very rational. I felt calm. I asked myself what else I could do to keep everybody else calm and prevent any danger in the future. Everything was all set.
This is how I try to be in emergencies. In the past, I've dealt with life-or-death situations (attempted suicides, big fights, accidents) and I have always been calm. I have always found that when the stakes are high I become very, very focused and very, very level. This is useful, but I had begun to wonder whether it wasn't also a symptom of some kind of detachment.
Later that afternoon, though, I tried to sit down and get work done and I realized my heart was pounding and my heart rate was something close to 120. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I couldn't focus. Thoughts of Silas getting hit with a pipe kept showing up at the edge of my mind. It lasted all the way through until the next afternoon.
As some teachers have repeatedly told me, sometimes it takes the body to explain to you how you really feel.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Not enough hours in the day
The last few weeks have been ultra busy. We've finally finished the first week of school, which for Brian meant actual teaching, and for me meant 5x more fish lab duties because all our undergrads have disappeared. It was a tiring, hectic week.
Unfortunately, we haven't had much of a weekend. We had a relaxed morning, but Brian had to work most of the day, and I went into the lab for a little while. Silas was a bit agitated today (between periods of utter sweetness and happiness, of course) and there was a severe thunderstorm right when we usually go to the playground. He seems to be suffering from another bout of separation anxiety and HATES it when we leave and close doors. Before the storm it was 93 degrees and almost 100% humid and ALL of us got overheated and dehydrated, despite Silas nursing more than a newborn and both of us guzzling water. Silas even played in the water park and it didn't help. The work on the house continued; Silas couldn't nap indoors in the morning and there was dust everywhere. Harriet tried to escape down the stairs several times. Silas uncharacteristically didn't like the dinner I made and he made an UNREAL mess throwing rice everywhere. Sagan threw up on the bed. Everyone was grumpy.
Not an easy day.
The tasks really pile up. I need to scrub the bathtub. More than 50% of my clothes do not fit me any more since Silas was born (bust size: sometimes it DOESN'T go back to normal), including 100% of my dresses and nice shirts (fortunately all my pants fit fine) and I'm tired of pawing through all the clothes and then wearing the same 4 things. I have neither the time nor the budget to go buy replacements for everything. I need to clean the filter in the cats' water fountain. The baby closet has gotten disorganized and many of Silas's onesies no longer fit him and should be put away. I have been meaning to wash his blocks for a while. We need to set up all utility payments all over again since we got new credit cards. Oh lord, the list goes on and on and on. I didn't even get to my hobbies; the things I actually WANT to do, like baking and practicing violin and reading another book.
And yet today I didn't have more than 15 minutes of time when I wasn't either cooking, watching Silas, or working. On days like this, I escape into a fantasy in which I suddenly discover $10,000 (or $1 million if it's a really hard day), and then I figure out what I'd do with it.
1. Professional house cleaning
2. New wardrobe that actually fits me
3. Fancy expensive frozen entrees (or hey, even restaurant food) for nights when we'd rather play outside than cook
4. Get a new bike that's not so super duper slow and buy actual panniers instead of a filing box
5. WAY MORE storage containers. I *hate* clutter. You can never have enough storage containers. I am convinced.
6. A vacation. A backpacking vacation, actually, with a tiny portable baby bed and a baby sleeping bag. I have taken 4 full days off since my maternity leave ended in February and it isn't enough.
7. New sheets. Ours are showing their age to say the least. And now everything has milk stains.
8. A magical way to park our stroller somewhere other than the garage AND be able to wheel it into our apartment without going up stairs.
9. A secret extra soundproof room for Silas to nap in so we can do dishes while he's sleeping (currently we can't; it's too loud) or vacuum or get other cumbersome chores out of the way.
As you can see my wishlist goes off the rails into the imaginary pretty quickly.
A good imagination is a healthy thing for long, busy days.
Unfortunately, we haven't had much of a weekend. We had a relaxed morning, but Brian had to work most of the day, and I went into the lab for a little while. Silas was a bit agitated today (between periods of utter sweetness and happiness, of course) and there was a severe thunderstorm right when we usually go to the playground. He seems to be suffering from another bout of separation anxiety and HATES it when we leave and close doors. Before the storm it was 93 degrees and almost 100% humid and ALL of us got overheated and dehydrated, despite Silas nursing more than a newborn and both of us guzzling water. Silas even played in the water park and it didn't help. The work on the house continued; Silas couldn't nap indoors in the morning and there was dust everywhere. Harriet tried to escape down the stairs several times. Silas uncharacteristically didn't like the dinner I made and he made an UNREAL mess throwing rice everywhere. Sagan threw up on the bed. Everyone was grumpy.
Not an easy day.
The tasks really pile up. I need to scrub the bathtub. More than 50% of my clothes do not fit me any more since Silas was born (bust size: sometimes it DOESN'T go back to normal), including 100% of my dresses and nice shirts (fortunately all my pants fit fine) and I'm tired of pawing through all the clothes and then wearing the same 4 things. I have neither the time nor the budget to go buy replacements for everything. I need to clean the filter in the cats' water fountain. The baby closet has gotten disorganized and many of Silas's onesies no longer fit him and should be put away. I have been meaning to wash his blocks for a while. We need to set up all utility payments all over again since we got new credit cards. Oh lord, the list goes on and on and on. I didn't even get to my hobbies; the things I actually WANT to do, like baking and practicing violin and reading another book.
And yet today I didn't have more than 15 minutes of time when I wasn't either cooking, watching Silas, or working. On days like this, I escape into a fantasy in which I suddenly discover $10,000 (or $1 million if it's a really hard day), and then I figure out what I'd do with it.
1. Professional house cleaning
2. New wardrobe that actually fits me
3. Fancy expensive frozen entrees (or hey, even restaurant food) for nights when we'd rather play outside than cook
4. Get a new bike that's not so super duper slow and buy actual panniers instead of a filing box
5. WAY MORE storage containers. I *hate* clutter. You can never have enough storage containers. I am convinced.
6. A vacation. A backpacking vacation, actually, with a tiny portable baby bed and a baby sleeping bag. I have taken 4 full days off since my maternity leave ended in February and it isn't enough.
7. New sheets. Ours are showing their age to say the least. And now everything has milk stains.
8. A magical way to park our stroller somewhere other than the garage AND be able to wheel it into our apartment without going up stairs.
9. A secret extra soundproof room for Silas to nap in so we can do dishes while he's sleeping (currently we can't; it's too loud) or vacuum or get other cumbersome chores out of the way.
As you can see my wishlist goes off the rails into the imaginary pretty quickly.
A good imagination is a healthy thing for long, busy days.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Throwing my hat into the ring
All righty. Much has been said about the "Mommy Wars", competitive parenting, helicopter parenting, and so on, and I'm sure I have nothing profound to add to it all, but here we are anyway. After almost 9 months of actually being a real, certified parent, I've developed opinions.
I think the problem is declaring your parenting style. Or rather, the problem is subscribing to a parenting style.
I'll just cut to the chase because I'm in a hurry. It's great if you have some ideas about how you'd like to parent. I sure do. It's great if you read a book describing a parenting style and you now use things you read in the book. Me too. It's great if you use various terminologies to describe the details of how you handle things like transportation, feeding and sleep. Of course; how else are we going to talk about this stuff?
But folks, it simply isn't possible to tell categorize the parenting style of others by observing a snapshot of their "parenting practices". People are constantly getting served surprise after surprise, and while there are people who parent exactly according to plan, and stay neatly within the boundaries of this or that philosophy, most do not, at least not any of the parents I know so far. Somebody's baby sleeps in a crib? You have NO IDEA whether this person is the hippiest attachment-parent on earth, or whether they insisted that their baby sleep there from day 1. Any combination of the baby's preferences and the parents' preferences could have resulted in that arrangement. Baby is eating exclusively purees at age 1? Maybe the baby adores purees, isn't interested in solids, or has an oral aversion from prior trauma. Maybe the parent believes in feeding purees for an extended period. You just can't know.
The corollary here is that people who consider themselves a card-carrying member of a certain parenting philosophy are just those for whom (or for whose babies) those philosophies worked out.
It's probably obvious by now how I've come to all of this, so I'll be plain - when we decided to sit next to Silas and pat his back and whisper to him as he cried, instead of nursing him, we lost our "attachment parent" license. Because I've read all the attachment parenting literature, both scientific and otherwise, I certainly had my moments (months?) of panic about stepping "out of bounds". There are plenty of people out there on the internet ready to absolutely shred you for such cruelty to a child. It can make you doubt yourself deeply. I had plenty of doubt, even as Silas gave me every indicate a baby can possibly give that he just wanted to be given some independence regarding his sleep. I had many tearful conversations in which I timidly suggested Silas didn't WANT to be nursed every 40 minutes all night. I knew he was unhappy. But I didn't trust myself. What if he was waking so often because I worked during the day? Or because he was lonely? Or because he somehow had to?
Until sleep training, we kept our "license" because Silas was exclusively breastfed, and then we did (mostly) baby-led weaning, we "wear" Silas in our carriers all the time, we are very responsive to his needs, we certainly don't punish him, etc. Of course, when we decided to do the training, it was with the SAME concern for his wellbeing that we did everything else, and it was absolutely not an abandonment of our ideals. I understand how nice it can be to feel sure that you're doing everything right, but really, all good parents follow the school of parenting dictated by their children's needs. And sometimes it doesn't look like they expected. To define ourselves by our practices, and whether or not they align with the practices of others, is truly counterproductive. We should define ourselves by our dedication to listening to what our children truly need.
I think the problem is declaring your parenting style. Or rather, the problem is subscribing to a parenting style.
I'll just cut to the chase because I'm in a hurry. It's great if you have some ideas about how you'd like to parent. I sure do. It's great if you read a book describing a parenting style and you now use things you read in the book. Me too. It's great if you use various terminologies to describe the details of how you handle things like transportation, feeding and sleep. Of course; how else are we going to talk about this stuff?
But folks, it simply isn't possible to tell categorize the parenting style of others by observing a snapshot of their "parenting practices". People are constantly getting served surprise after surprise, and while there are people who parent exactly according to plan, and stay neatly within the boundaries of this or that philosophy, most do not, at least not any of the parents I know so far. Somebody's baby sleeps in a crib? You have NO IDEA whether this person is the hippiest attachment-parent on earth, or whether they insisted that their baby sleep there from day 1. Any combination of the baby's preferences and the parents' preferences could have resulted in that arrangement. Baby is eating exclusively purees at age 1? Maybe the baby adores purees, isn't interested in solids, or has an oral aversion from prior trauma. Maybe the parent believes in feeding purees for an extended period. You just can't know.
The corollary here is that people who consider themselves a card-carrying member of a certain parenting philosophy are just those for whom (or for whose babies) those philosophies worked out.
It's probably obvious by now how I've come to all of this, so I'll be plain - when we decided to sit next to Silas and pat his back and whisper to him as he cried, instead of nursing him, we lost our "attachment parent" license. Because I've read all the attachment parenting literature, both scientific and otherwise, I certainly had my moments (months?) of panic about stepping "out of bounds". There are plenty of people out there on the internet ready to absolutely shred you for such cruelty to a child. It can make you doubt yourself deeply. I had plenty of doubt, even as Silas gave me every indicate a baby can possibly give that he just wanted to be given some independence regarding his sleep. I had many tearful conversations in which I timidly suggested Silas didn't WANT to be nursed every 40 minutes all night. I knew he was unhappy. But I didn't trust myself. What if he was waking so often because I worked during the day? Or because he was lonely? Or because he somehow had to?
Until sleep training, we kept our "license" because Silas was exclusively breastfed, and then we did (mostly) baby-led weaning, we "wear" Silas in our carriers all the time, we are very responsive to his needs, we certainly don't punish him, etc. Of course, when we decided to do the training, it was with the SAME concern for his wellbeing that we did everything else, and it was absolutely not an abandonment of our ideals. I understand how nice it can be to feel sure that you're doing everything right, but really, all good parents follow the school of parenting dictated by their children's needs. And sometimes it doesn't look like they expected. To define ourselves by our practices, and whether or not they align with the practices of others, is truly counterproductive. We should define ourselves by our dedication to listening to what our children truly need.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Silas, 8.5 months
Well, it's happened - I'm starting to become shocked by the fact that Silas is already just about three quarters of the way through his first year. When he was newborn the days seemed so long and making it another week was a major milestone but time is starting to pass so quickly now. Perhaps it's because we're all getting some sleep!
Brian went back to work this week, at his new job at Blue Hills Regional Technical school. Our lazy summer mornings of lolling around in bed for half an hour and then taking an hour to make and eat breakfast are over, and we can't both take Silas to the playground for his morning "wiggle" any more. I'm so glad we had the summer, and I'm sad that it's over.
At 8.5 months Silas is more active than ever. He climbs stairs and steps of all kinds, goes UP slides (really! like a gecko!), makes VERY GOOD TIME as he steams across the playground at top speed, and stands up using any kind of object as support, no hand grips needed. He walks while holding our hands, and stands briefly on his own. I think he can actually stand for longer than he does, but he's so busy getting places he doesn't seem to want to try it very often. Standing in place doesn't seem like much fun when he could plop down and crawl away to a new activity. Fortunately, his "reckless" phase didn't last long. He now clearly understands that he shouldn't crawl off edges of things, and he sits down carefully and tries to avoid bumping his head (although it still happens at least once a day!). Despite his extremely high activity level, he's actually learned to be relatively cautious.
His temperament is sunny, sweet and mischievous. He has an absolutely heart-melting smile with which he graces us often. He gives hugs and "kisses" (licks your face) and is easy to provoke into giggles. He likes being chased and "attacked", and especially loves to sneak around obstacles and play peekaboo. I know it's terribly uncreative to say so, but he's really a little ray of sunshine - sort of unspeakably adorable and self-possessed.
He continues to hate being restrained. The carseat is particularly bad. We recently took Silas and one of his little baby friends to be fitted for their first pair of shoes at a mall nearby, and the other family didn't have a car, so they came with us. I sat in the back between the babies. The other baby (9.5 months) calmly looked at his toys and smiled at me. Silas repeatedly tried to climb out of his seat and required 3 books, several Cheerios and 3 toys to distract him during our 10 minute drive. Whew! Fortunately he likes his stroller much more and is usually pretty happy to be pushed around as long as he can see what's going on, and if he's tired he'll take a snooze. He DOES really enjoy being in his baby carriers (Ergo, Beco or Bjorn) and THAT's how we can take peaceful walks and hikes. We also use the carriers for 90% of our trips out of the house.
Silas loves eating - rice with peanut sauce, faux chicken, sweet potato, bananas, mango, soba noodles, chopped kale, coconut curry, pasta with home made tomato sauce, macaroni and cheese, and peanut butter crackers have all been happily enjoyed this week. He feeds himself almost exclusively with great enthusiasm; we occasionally help by spooning him crumbly foods like rice or baked goods. Yes, he makes an unbelievable mess. He does NOT like to see anybody eating if he's not joining in. In fact it's a recipe for a baby tantrum to eat a coveted food (especially fruit or a popsicle) in front of him without giving him any. He WILL protest.
Let's see. He still takes 3 naps a day because 2 of the 3 (and often all 3) are 40 minutes or less, though that may be changing now as he approaches 9 months. He eats 3 meals of solid food a day and nurses quite a lot. He drinks plenty of water now and really loves to use his sippy-top water bottle, though he also drinks out of a glass at mealtimes. We use mostly cloth diapers these days. He wears 12-18m size clothes usually, but he's pretty skinny so even 9-12m pants don't stay on (he literally crawls out of them). We either dress him in his old 3-6m pants which are too short, dress him in 12m pants that are long enough and keep rolling them up all day long, or best of all, put him in leg warmers, which stay on. The leg warmers are adorable.
As Silas's personality becomes stronger, and as he grows up, I find it increasingly difficult to "sum him up". His dearness is difficult to describe, now, and little moments are very difficult to capture on camera because of course he's quite aware of the camera now, and it's not just the funny noise or whatever that made him laugh, it's the person, and the relationship, and the recognition that it was a funny thing to do. His spirit has just become too bright and complex to document, I suppose. Recently there have been several occasions on which I thought about taking a picture of a sweet little moment but I realized that the camera would have ruined it. So here I am without pictures or even words, really to describe the essence of Silas these days. But anybody who gets to spend time with him should be lucky enough to see his sweet, adventurous, delighted way of going about his day.
I'm getting really excited about the prospect of getting him into hiking, backpacking and rock climbing. At the playground, while the other babies are playing with toys and structures, Silas either climbs stairs, climbs up the slide, or - most likely - quickly makes his way through the bushes into the landscaping along the edges of the park. He can spend quite literally a full hour scampering around in the dirt looking at leaves and branches and tasting acorns (we are REALLY tired of fishing acorns out of his mount). He seems to be living up to the meaning of his name - "of the forest". He seems so happy messing about in the dirt, and he's virtually inexhaustible. I can't wait to take him into the woods and show him the White Mountains, and then the Rockies or the Andes or who knows what else! I think he has the spirit of an explorer.
Brian went back to work this week, at his new job at Blue Hills Regional Technical school. Our lazy summer mornings of lolling around in bed for half an hour and then taking an hour to make and eat breakfast are over, and we can't both take Silas to the playground for his morning "wiggle" any more. I'm so glad we had the summer, and I'm sad that it's over.
At 8.5 months Silas is more active than ever. He climbs stairs and steps of all kinds, goes UP slides (really! like a gecko!), makes VERY GOOD TIME as he steams across the playground at top speed, and stands up using any kind of object as support, no hand grips needed. He walks while holding our hands, and stands briefly on his own. I think he can actually stand for longer than he does, but he's so busy getting places he doesn't seem to want to try it very often. Standing in place doesn't seem like much fun when he could plop down and crawl away to a new activity. Fortunately, his "reckless" phase didn't last long. He now clearly understands that he shouldn't crawl off edges of things, and he sits down carefully and tries to avoid bumping his head (although it still happens at least once a day!). Despite his extremely high activity level, he's actually learned to be relatively cautious.
His temperament is sunny, sweet and mischievous. He has an absolutely heart-melting smile with which he graces us often. He gives hugs and "kisses" (licks your face) and is easy to provoke into giggles. He likes being chased and "attacked", and especially loves to sneak around obstacles and play peekaboo. I know it's terribly uncreative to say so, but he's really a little ray of sunshine - sort of unspeakably adorable and self-possessed.
He continues to hate being restrained. The carseat is particularly bad. We recently took Silas and one of his little baby friends to be fitted for their first pair of shoes at a mall nearby, and the other family didn't have a car, so they came with us. I sat in the back between the babies. The other baby (9.5 months) calmly looked at his toys and smiled at me. Silas repeatedly tried to climb out of his seat and required 3 books, several Cheerios and 3 toys to distract him during our 10 minute drive. Whew! Fortunately he likes his stroller much more and is usually pretty happy to be pushed around as long as he can see what's going on, and if he's tired he'll take a snooze. He DOES really enjoy being in his baby carriers (Ergo, Beco or Bjorn) and THAT's how we can take peaceful walks and hikes. We also use the carriers for 90% of our trips out of the house.
Silas loves eating - rice with peanut sauce, faux chicken, sweet potato, bananas, mango, soba noodles, chopped kale, coconut curry, pasta with home made tomato sauce, macaroni and cheese, and peanut butter crackers have all been happily enjoyed this week. He feeds himself almost exclusively with great enthusiasm; we occasionally help by spooning him crumbly foods like rice or baked goods. Yes, he makes an unbelievable mess. He does NOT like to see anybody eating if he's not joining in. In fact it's a recipe for a baby tantrum to eat a coveted food (especially fruit or a popsicle) in front of him without giving him any. He WILL protest.
Let's see. He still takes 3 naps a day because 2 of the 3 (and often all 3) are 40 minutes or less, though that may be changing now as he approaches 9 months. He eats 3 meals of solid food a day and nurses quite a lot. He drinks plenty of water now and really loves to use his sippy-top water bottle, though he also drinks out of a glass at mealtimes. We use mostly cloth diapers these days. He wears 12-18m size clothes usually, but he's pretty skinny so even 9-12m pants don't stay on (he literally crawls out of them). We either dress him in his old 3-6m pants which are too short, dress him in 12m pants that are long enough and keep rolling them up all day long, or best of all, put him in leg warmers, which stay on. The leg warmers are adorable.
As Silas's personality becomes stronger, and as he grows up, I find it increasingly difficult to "sum him up". His dearness is difficult to describe, now, and little moments are very difficult to capture on camera because of course he's quite aware of the camera now, and it's not just the funny noise or whatever that made him laugh, it's the person, and the relationship, and the recognition that it was a funny thing to do. His spirit has just become too bright and complex to document, I suppose. Recently there have been several occasions on which I thought about taking a picture of a sweet little moment but I realized that the camera would have ruined it. So here I am without pictures or even words, really to describe the essence of Silas these days. But anybody who gets to spend time with him should be lucky enough to see his sweet, adventurous, delighted way of going about his day.
I'm getting really excited about the prospect of getting him into hiking, backpacking and rock climbing. At the playground, while the other babies are playing with toys and structures, Silas either climbs stairs, climbs up the slide, or - most likely - quickly makes his way through the bushes into the landscaping along the edges of the park. He can spend quite literally a full hour scampering around in the dirt looking at leaves and branches and tasting acorns (we are REALLY tired of fishing acorns out of his mount). He seems to be living up to the meaning of his name - "of the forest". He seems so happy messing about in the dirt, and he's virtually inexhaustible. I can't wait to take him into the woods and show him the White Mountains, and then the Rockies or the Andes or who knows what else! I think he has the spirit of an explorer.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
It came to this
It came to sleep training.
Let's see, what else did we try?
1. Cosleeping (for the first 4 months at all times, and then after that he slept in his room for at least a couple hours, and then usually slept by my side for the rest of the night)
2. Special plush sheets to make him more comfortable
3. Warmer and cooler temperatures in his bedroom
4. More and less clothing
5. An attachment object (monkey lovey) that was also silky and soft
6. Humidifier
7. Painkillers
8. White noise (6 different types of white noise in fact)
9. Blackout curtains
10. Night light
11. Different bedtimes between 6:30 and 9:00 PM
12. Absolutely rock-solid predictable bedtime routine
13. Lavender massages
14. No overhead lights for an hour before bedtime
15. More food, less food and no food right before bed
16. 6 different brands of pacifiers
17. Walking to sleep instead of always nursing, wearing him in carriers, bouncing him
18. Putting down awake when possible, starting at 8 weeks of age
19. Much more activity to exhaust him, and much less activity to avoid overstimulation
20. Sunlight in the morning
21. Vitamin D in the morning, or no vitamin D at all
22. Probiotics
23. Soothing Silas in his crib with songs, backrubs, etc.
24. Praying to gods neither of us believes in
25. Absurd superstition regarding the 40-minute sleep cycles, panicking every 40 minutes and avoiding even taking footsteps
26. Elevating his crib to prevent theoretical reflux
27. 5 different types/brands of diapers, in case he was uncomfortable
26. Elevating his crib to prevent theoretical reflux
27. 5 different types/brands of diapers, in case he was uncomfortable
So, none of that worked. None of it. Except for a grand total of 3 weeks of respite, Silas woke up 6 times ON AVERAGE every night between birth and 7.5 months. On a terrific night he'd wake up twice. On a bad night it was 10 times. On a really, REALLY bad night - and we had many - he'd either be awake and rock-bottom miserable for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night, or he would wake up every 20-30 minutes all night long.
Even with a pretty high-level coping plan in place, I wasn't really coping all that well. Sleeping no more than 1-2 hours at a time for more than half a year will really screw you up. Brian got considerably more consolidated sleep because he wasn't doing the nursing, but he had to respond to a crying baby several times between 7:30 and when he went to bed at 10:30 or so. And worst of all, Silas was miserable. He woke up constantly and obviously hated it. He didn't want to be held or cuddled, and often he didn't even want to nurse. He just cried, even when we did everything we could think of to help him. We never left him alone. One day we calculated that we responded to his night wakings within 15 seconds over 1,000 times in a row. Usually it was more like 2 seconds. We hoped that would make him feel safe and secure, and sleep peacefully. But it didn't: he hated sleeping. He cried hard when we started to put him to sleep, no matter how we did it. Even with all our constant loving attention, he was just so unhappy.
So 30 days ago, we made sure he had good naps, gave him a dose of baby Motrin in case his teeth hurt, did his bedtime routine, and brought him into his bedroom to nurse. After he had had quite a lot to drink, but wasn't asleep, we put him in his crib. Of course he screamed. We stayed in his room, whispering soothing words and patting his back occasionally, but we resolved to not pick him up until he went to sleep on his own. We lay down next to his crib and encouraged him to lay down by handing him his lovey. He cried for 15 minutes, cooed for 7 minutes, and then conked out. That was day 1. Days 2, 3 and 4 were similar - the most he ever cried was 24 minutes, on day 4 - and after that, he hasn't cried at all at bedtime.
After day 4, things got much, MUCH better. It was still occasionally "rocky" for the first two weeks, although nothing like what we experienced previously. Silas sometimes woke up and cried for a few minutes, or fussed intermittently for 20 minutes or so (fussing a few seconds, quiet a few minutes, etc.). Now he occasionally fusses for a minute or two at night, and we no longer go into his room because he's barely awake and doesn't need our help. Other than that, he sleeps from 8:00-6:00, with one nursing at around 5:00 AM.
He's happier. We're happier. In hindsight, it's clear that Silas had a bad habit of waking up constantly. That's all it was, a bad habit. He didn't enjoy it any more than we did, but he didn't know how to change, so we had to show him that it was safe and OK to go to sleep without help. He learned quickly, cried remarkably little, and in less than a week was better rested than ever.
However, before we started we couldn't be 100% sure that sleep training was the right choice because we didn't know why he woke up so often. We did everything we could to ensure he was physically and emotionally healthy (even got his ears checked - no problem) before we started. We didn't feel that we had much of a choice; the status quo wasn't healthy for any of us. I'm still wary of sleep training. If you want it to work, you can't stop once you begin, and no parent wants to sit there wondering if their child is crying because of frustration, or because of pain and loneliness. Fortunately for us, we didn't encounter any trouble, and Silas made it clear through his (quite limited and brief) crying and behavior that he was mad and frustrated, but not scared or in pain or sad.
Phew.
We did it. I'm sure we'll have backslides and bumps in the road, but now he knows how to sleep. He puts himself to sleep peacefully for every nap with no bouncing or frantic walking required. He even smiles when we put him in his crib much of the time. He LOVES his bedtime routine. He's bonded with his lovey. He's happy. He's safe. We are sleeping again. And we didn't leave him alone while he was learning - I feel good about that.
Monday, August 4, 2014
A day in the life, 7.5 months
The last few days have been really fun. On Saturday, we took several walks, went to the H-Mart, had ramen and sushi in the food court and bought funky Japanese snacks (I'm SUCH a sucker for Japanese gummies), went to the MFA with Grandma Marsha and a friend of hers (Silas enjoyed the Brazilian folk art exhibit), played at the fancy museum courtyard and fed sparrows, visited with the other local babies at the playground, and ate fried cauliflower and pears for dinner. Add in a couple of Ergo naps on a not-too-hot day and it was very nice.
On Sunday we again took a bunch of walks, had a visit from a friend, played with the other babies at the playground, got some cleaning done while Silas played with Grandma Marsha, made sweet potato fries and zucchini and pasta, and I think went to some new parks but we're all a bit foggy on the exact details. It's been a hazy summer day.
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